I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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