mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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