In the future we'll all be gay
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
