We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
