a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
