I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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