You're my little dorito
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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