If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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