maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
