We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
