why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
