THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
