vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
