For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
