Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
