sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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