I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
