What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
sick fucks of a feather flock together
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
