Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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