I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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