Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
