I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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