I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
