i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
