i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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