Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Randomize
