At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
