Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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