I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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