I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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