Me too!
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
