I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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