I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
