Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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