That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
