please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
