We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
