Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
