We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
