i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
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