Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
