i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
