My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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