There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
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