I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
