so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
