I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
