Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
