So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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