# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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