i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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