i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
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