You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
