I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
