youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
