She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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