I want to make a zoo with you.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
areolas are like halos for boobs.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Randomize
