hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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